One in four children will experience bullying during their childhood, says CLAUDE KNIGHTS, ceo of anti-bullying charity Kidscape says. So what exactly do we mean by bullying and what role can nannies play in helping their charges and their families?
Any anti-bullying policy needs to define bullying first. It can be physical; pushing, hitting, biting and so on. It can be verbal with the use of sarcasm and teasing. It can be emotional using ridicule, humiliation and it can be sexist, racist or homophobic.
Not least nowadays, it can be via any internet-enabled device or mobile phone. And the different types of bulling can interweave – a child could be suffering cyber and physical bullying.
A policy should make clear to parents that they can be assured that if the nanny has any concerns then they will speak to the parents and work together with the to support the child. But also that if the parents have any concerns, they must feel reassured to bring them up with the nanny.
A policy has to be lived and what is useful is when a setting takes on a new family, to run through the policy with them and ask their opinion on it.
Remember, a nanny – and their policy – may also have to deal with the bully as well as the victim.
If a child is bullying, remember that it is their behaviour that is the problem, not the child. It is important that your relationship with the child is sustained, but everyone has to work together with the child to make amends.
If you are in a position when your policy needs to be put into practice, it is about keeping a cool head and apprising the situation objectively.
You need to be able to listen, not to be judgemental and to create that environment where you can be that listening ear and not become part of the problem.
Some of the signs to look out for that might indicate a child is being bullied outside your setting are changes in behaviour – if the child is usually very boisterous but has been much quieter, then you need to think “let’s watch this situation”.
Sometimes youngsters can deny that they are victims of bullying for a long time. You might notice that they are dishevelled when they arrive from school or in the case of younger children, they may have soiled themselves. You might notice that their things – pencil cases etc. – may be missing or spoilt. They may even try to steal from you to pay off bullies at school.
If you have a suspicion that one of your youngsters is being bullied, then you must tell the parents. Stick to the facts. Tell parents: “This is what I have noticed”.
And again, build that environment where it is safe for the child to talk. It is a skill and even if the child says they don’t want you to tell the parents, you still have to get to a place where they understand that you have to tell them and that you are there to support them
For advice and resources visit www.kidscape.org.uk where you can also make a donation to the work of this charity. Other helpful contacts are www.childnet.com www.familylives.org.uk Family Lives also has a 24 hour helpline 0808 800 2222 www.mumsnet.com and www.netmums.com have many threads on dealing with bullying.
A policy has to be lived – make sure you run through it with your charges’ parents