By Charlotte Collis of Totalnannies, Specialist Recruiter
At Totalnannies, most weeks we speak with parents troubled about their child’s behaviour. This may be aggressive, defiant, challenging or in other ways concerning. All children display unwanted behaviour at times, but when it is ongoing, severe and impacts negatively within the home, school relationships and friendships, the situation needs addressing.
Totalnannies recruit high calibre, specialist childcare support
Things are often less rosy than everyone thinks
The pressure for children to succeed has never been more keenly felt. We hear the lengths parents go to get their child in their chosen school, the pressure on schools to achieve targets and the stress felt by children in a world immersed in social media. We’re fed the idea of the perfect family situation; happy children, achieving academically, popular with peers and teaching staff, after-school filled with playdates and numerous activities. The reality and what goes on behind closed doors can be very different, leaving parents with a sense of isolation, guilt and hopelessness.
“Other mums in the playground seem to have everything under control. I try to present that image, but the reality couldn’t be more different. My daughter is disruptive in class, unpopular and academically falling more and more behind. I’ve tried discussing it with my husband, but he thinks ‘she’ll grow out of it’. I should be able to do this, I shouldn’t have to ask for help. I feel I’ve failed as a mother.”
In other areas where we were inexperienced, unqualified and untrained we would expect to be given guidance and support, but when you become a parent there’s an expectation to just get on with it.
So it may be that certain parenting skills could improve the situation, but your child’s behaviour may be due to any number of reasons. It may be circumstantial, perhaps things are difficult at home due to work pressures, parental relationship problems, a new sibling or moving home. Maybe there are triggers or times the behaviour escalates. Could they have a school phobia, are they being bullied or feel too much pressure to succeed?
Parents may also be concerned their child has an underlying learning difficulty or condition such as autism, ADHD or Asperger’s syndrome. While this may be a worrying thought, a diagnosis often brings relief; an understanding of behaviour and the first step to addressing the child’s needs.
Don’t fight alone
The first step is to confide in someone whose opinion you trust and explain the reality of your situation. This might be aa friend or relative, or a professional such as a counsellor, health visitor or your doctor. Often a recruiter at Totalnannies is that first person a parent has divulged the information to. We can almost feel their relief when we explain how common this is – and that yes, we can find them specialist support for their child! Telling someone won’t always be easy, but it brings the situation into the open so you can see a path forward.
The first person you discuss this with of course is unlikely to have all the answers, but by bringing it out in the open, the path to support has been started. Your doctor can discuss referral options to a child psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor. Your may feel more comfortable speaking with a support group or finding advice online. We’ve put together a list of some excellent online resources that you may find helpful on our website.
The right support will differ for each child and depend on on many factors including the level of support required and resources available to the family. The key is to take the first step and believe there are many families experiencing just the same concerns as you are and get talking.
Tel: 0207 0601213 www.totalnannies.com